Amazing Grace
December 19, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Twas Grace that taught my heart to hear…
I know! I know…now. I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention when the second verse of “Amazing Grace” rolled through my life. When I checked the lyrics of the song, before writing this, I found that out that Grace was to teach my heart to fear.
It didn’t work that way for me. Thank heavens.
While it is true that people come to me to learn about communication improvement, to get my opinion about something to do with their speech, voice or language, and to receive information and guidance, it is also true that they come to me to be heard; to have someone truly set aside all distractions, pre-judging, even focus, just to listen to the sound of their voice and receive them as wholly (perhaps holy) as possible.
What you say, how you say it and how you look when you say it. What is the first thing out of your mouth? What do you tell me repeatedly? At what point does anger creep into your voice? When does your voice wax and wane? How many bitter complaints come pouring out? Whose opinion really matters to you? When do your eyes glisten?
You have taught me to finally shut-up and let your presence register on me as deeply as possible. You have taught me that you cannot learn from me unless I have deeply listened to you first.
When you have run out of things to tell me, I will usually give you feedback on what I have just heard from you. If you are like most people, you will say, “You have hit the nail on the head!! How did you know!!” And I will have to answer, “Because you just told me.”
This is indeed an Amazing Grace that taught my heart to hear.
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at query@speechtraining.com
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills.
Kindly speech
November 22, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
This story takes place in a lovely care-taking facility that anyone would like to have as their residence when they age and become dependent.
The little old lady in a pink chenille robe stood in the hallway of the nursing home. Her face twisted in anguish as she proclaimed to the attendant, “Somebody stole my glasses! They were right there and somebody just took them!”
What did the attendant say?
How about
Mrs Simmons! You are always putting them down somewhere and then you forget and walk off. You’ve got to be more careful!
Or
Have you looked in your pockets? Did you check your bed stand? How about the bathroom? Are you sure they aren’t on your television table?
Or
Now who’d want to go and steal your glasses anyway?! Nobody’s going to do that. You just left them where and forgot! You shouldn’t be charging people with stealing when it your own darn fault in the first place.
Did she say any of these statements?
No.
She said,
“I think that’s just terrible. I’m going to look into this and find out just who did that! Now let me take you down to dinner and we’ll get this straightened out. Don’t you worry about a thing. We’ll get those glasses back!”
We all know that Mrs. Simmons glasses were not stolen but were probably nestled under her newspaper, or bed. But Mrs. Simmons didn’t need a lecture, a scolding or the third degree. A little kindness and soothing was just the thing to solve her distress. Mrs. Simmons was not aware that a sweet kindness was bestowed on her. But I was. And now you are. Sometimes we don’t need to fix something as much as we need to understand someone.
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at query@speechtraining.com
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills.
Playing the Game of Conversation
November 3, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Managing graceful small talk appears to be a difficult challenge for many of us. Do take comfort in knowing that there are things to know and do that will be of enormous help in dealing with small talk.
One such tip is the concept of ‘turn taking’ in conversation. First let’s look at how this can go wrong:
- One person starts talking and never gives up the floor; a long story, a monologue ensues, requiring no interaction. This feels really good to the speaker and really boring to the listener.
- One person smiles and nods and asks more questions of the other (like the person above) but never really makes a contribution to the conversation. They are cheer-leaders, not players.
Two sides of the same coin, wouldn’t you say?
The solution: think of any conversation as having a format like ping-pong or tennis. There is a back-and-forthing to make a game actually happen. You hog the ball, there is no action. And there is no fun if you let every shot go by without a return.
So:
- Always strive to pass the ball (topic) to the other person by asking a question
- Avoid long stories
- Understand that putting your two cents in is a conversational obligation
- Treat other people attempts to converse with respect and encouragement
Back and forth it must go; it is an ”inter-action”.
Speak up, – but not too much!
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at query@speechtraining.com
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills.
The advantages of a sexy voice
September 27, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Let’s say you are the biggest bullfrog in the pond. .. Because you are the largest frog your voice (croak, mating call) will have a lower pitch than that of the other males. You will croak to let the lady frogs know where you are and they will be driven mad with desire by the sound of your deep froggy voice. The lady frogs will make their way to you, for clearly, you are the alpha male in this pond.
BUT the other male frogs who have the less compelling voice, know about the drawing power of this lower voice and use it to their own advantage. They position themselves around the Big Frog and lie in wait for the ladies who are approaching him. They nab a passing female and try to become a parent.
While this approach probably does not provide useful guidance for the gentlemen reading this blog, it does confirm that the lower voice in the male has certain advantages. If you examine the relative pitch levels of the parent and the infant in any species, you will find that the parent has the lower voice. Now imagine the voices of the predator and the prey. Same difference. The lower voice communicates size, power and, maturity. Ladies do find this to be sexy.
If you want to develop a sexy voice, please send an email to query@speechtraining.com
How I Listen to The Sound of Your Voice
August 9, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
What is the impression you make by the way you speak? I ask myself that when you sit across the table from me in my office. You have come to gain some understanding of your communication patterns and I bring my professional background and years of experience to help you do just that.
When I am first meeting a client, I will consciously drop my awareness from concentrating just on their words and their intended message in order to be maximally receptive to more dimensions of their communication.
As you come in the door, I try to become a ‘blank slate’ on which you write your presence. I try, knowing I will never be completely neutral, but I will try to observe with the kindest part of my self. If there is something that keeps nagging at me, I assume it will catch the attention of others and distract from the communication relationship. I will have to address the topic. What I observe are all the things that you can see in other people, what the person is trying to see in the mirror, and what they don’t know they are doing when they talk. So I see the nervous gestures, the unconscious habits.
And I must listen. I invite my intuition, I listen to the words with my mind and I hear the message with my heart. I give undivided attention to you. This is total and deliberate listening that lets you be heard in the deepest possible way. What I have received and accepted, I can reflect back to you (as best I can), so you, too, can listen to your whole self– mind, body, soul and heart. You see, there is more to your speaking than your voice and articulation! Perhaps I can help you see – and hear- more of you.
It is likely that you are thinking that there are tics and twitches, uhms and ‘likes’ to be discovers. Yes, there is always that. But it is not uncommon for a person to observe, “I’m a lot better than I thought I was”, after hearing the recording I have made of our interview.
Whatever we find as we talk together, it is sure to bring you closer to yourself; to hear yourself outside your own head, and to see yourself beyond the mirror. It is a singular experience for both of us as you adventure beyond your confines and I lose myself in you.
Getting to Know the Sound of Your Voice
August 4, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
The Sound of Your Voice
To listen to the blog posting in Audio, please click here —- Getting to Know The Sound of Your Voice
Do you want to know the impression you make by the way you speak?
I can help you do it in a way that won’t cost you a dime.
But, do I believe you will actually do this? No. So prove me wrong!
What to do:
Create a time for you and few (same sex) friends to get together around a good recording device, sit equidistant from the microphone, hit ‘record’….now talk to each other. Let’s say you chat about this or that for 20 minutes. Turn it off, rewind, take a lunch break, then sit down and listen.
What you might listen for:
- Who is doing the most talking?
- Who does the most interrupting?
- Who talks too softly to be heard?
- How low or high is your voice relative to the other people in the group?
- Can you understand yourself as easily as you do others?
- Do you like the sound of your laughter or are you embarrassed to hear that you sound like a Canadian goose?
- Do you hear something in your speech that you don’t like, like ‘like’?
- Does your voice sound flat as a board or should you consider opera?
And so on. Don’t worry; you’ll find much to notice. This may be a painful experience, OR you may well find much that you are pleased with.
I encourage your courage. This exercise allows you to know how you really interact with other people, more than I could possibly predict from a private interview. Consider how valuable this could be for you.
My offer: Do this exercise and write a short report on your communication behavior as you observed it on the recording. Send your report to me. (I can’t wait to read it!) I will write a blog about your findings. You can stay anonymous in the blog posting, should that be your choice. And I will send you a copy of my book, It’s the Way You Say It: Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. Deal? I look forward to hearing from you.
The Secret of a Good Speech
July 29, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
I received this thank you note from a client:
Dear Carol, Lovely accolades after my speech and I did want to send you a thank you note! To be able to present my thoughts in a way that pleased me was a very happy moment. Not a word was shared about the how and why of it, but you and I know! Sending best thoughts and warmest thanks to you! xxx ————————————
Of course it is always nice to get thank you notes. But did you get the part that my work with her was going to be our little secret? Some clients call me their ‘secret weapon’ and tell me that they don’t want to share how they got so good with others. The business woman in me regrets this lack of acknowledgement and referral, of course. But the therapist side understands their need to own the effective speaking as their own talent and achievement.
Which leads me to ask how many skilled presentations, powerful speeches and touching comments you have heard and just assumed were the result of that speaker’s natural abilities and efforts? Just talented, right? · What if you found out that they floundered and stuttered at the beginning just like you do? That they had been paralyzed with stage fright? ·
What if you knew that many of these great speakers sought professional help, received thoughtful guidance, worked very hard, and rehearsed? You might ask these speakers if they had a ‘secret weapon” in preparing their remarks. Or if they might be able to recommend a speaking coach so you can learn to be as good as they were. Be interesting?
Please don’t let your fear of public speaking stop you. Get help like many others do. Dr. Fleming can be contacted at telephone number 415.391 9179 or query@speechtraining.com
What Jay said about my book, “It’s the Way You Say It”
January 26, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Guest Blog Posting by Jay Conner, Richmond, California
I know Carol Fleming personally, and am vaguely familiar with her work. I’ve never been a client, but I knew she was in speech therapy.
Her book, however, is a revelation. What she does is so far beyond what you think of as speech therapy as to be a whole ‘nother world, She acts like a Minister of Communication, in the religious, not the governmental sense of the word.
In this book she shows you how to present yourself, to show yourself off to best advantage.
Consider how you detail a car, or how you stage a house to best show it off.
She teaches you how to do this with yourself.
I always thought that that if I had something to say, all I had to do was to get the message clear and the technique would take care of itself. And I wasn’t particularly critical about my natural, intuitive way of doing that presenting.
Dr. Fleming wants me to move that up a notch.
Her book is concise, direct and to the point, with lots of personal stories from her experience to make a lively reading experience. Tight, spare and engaging, with useful stories and clear instructions. You will also learn how a sentence with eleven consecutive instances of the word “had” can, in a proper context and properly punctuated, make a meaningful sentence. Page 63.
But that’s not important, it’s just diverting. Part of the funny side of the book.
The book has a more serious purpose, some real depth and the benefit of years of her experience in vocal development and communications training. Not everyone can trek out to San Francisco to engage her services, but everyone can benefit from her coaching in this book.
Even, especially, people who don’t know they need her help
In a sense, this book is a conversation with an author who has keen insight into the human condition, and a willingness – eagerness – to share her knowledge. Enthusiasm for the human condition runs through her stories, which are case histories of problems in human communication.
The King’s Speech….and yours
January 3, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
See that fine fellow above? Notice the epaulettes, the stripes and braid, the sword and medals. The dignity and confidence. Clearly, he is on top of his game. What could possibly ruffle him? I’ll tell you; speaking in public. King George VI was a stutterer. His concern about the stutter was debilitating and humiliating.
These are the two problems one has to deal with in any speech disorder. There is the actual speech problem itself, and then there is the array of feelings (misgivings, embarrassment, shame) that accompany it. Together, these two components can prevent many a person from
- adding their voice to the debate
- expressing their opinion
- seeking professional advancement
- speaking up for their rights
- singing in the great choir of life
Many, many people have concerns about the way they speak. People you know, like your buddy, your boss or the guy that fixes your appliances. If you hear something that draws attention to the way they talk you can be pretty sure that they will probably have some sensitive feelings about it. We want people to respond to what we say, not get distracted by how we say it.
There are trained professionals to help people in this situation – speech pathologists – who are in the best position to offer the best remedies available and that recognize and respect the feelings behind the speech.
There are people who believe that they are ‘stuck’ with their speech problem and don’t know that genuine help is available. Perhaps you are one such person. What a good New Year’s Resolution it would be to find yourself a speech pathologist and start working toward better speech.
The King did and so can you.
Three steps to conquering the “up-ending sentence”
December 10, 2010 by Admin · 2 Comments
You’ve heard about the pernicious ‘up-ending sentence’. Which is exactly that; a sentence that ends with an upward rising pitch line, much like that of the questioning intonation you might used when you say, “Is that for me?” , “Is he OK?”. Obviously, this is a perfectly OK kind of thing to do. But when this questioning tone is heard with other sentence forms, and too many times, it creates a sound of childlike insecurity. It sounds as if you are asking for permission or affirmation.
Let’s do something about it!
Step 1: You’d better find out if This Means You. You might listen to your outgoing message on your voice mail and see if you hear something like, “This is Marcia Jones? I’ll be out of the office today? You can leave a message after the beep? Have a nice day!” If you are smart you will listen to yourself on a recording or ask trusted friends.
Step 2: Deal with the emotional element. You need to have the attitude of telling someone something in an authoritative manner. This is in contrast to a tone of voice that asks for affirmation of your message. Prepare a paragraph of information in the form of simple declarative sentences (subject/predicate). Now read it in a way that conveys you expect to be understood and obeyed. (Not asking for permission, not asking for affirmation with a head nod, etc.)
For example:
“I have asked every one in the department to be at this meeting. I expect that you have all signed the attendance sheet. You will need to pay attention to the new regulations we have received. You will be expected to relay them to your own staff. Please examine the documents on the table in front of you.” Etc.
Deliver these lines with an authoritative attitude; you should be bringing your pitch down at the end of each short sentence to show you mean it.
Step 3: Everyday you should intentionally use the simple declarative sentence form with a lower pitch level at the end. Make up 10 sentences just by looking around the room. Be stupid and obvious, not deep or clever. (The rug is brown. The telephone is blinking. I can look outside. I can hear my neighbors’ voice. There is plant on my desk., etc.)
This is working on the ‘habit’ part of your speaking. Do this simple task every day (with careful self-monitoring) to make the pattern consistently authoritative and comfortable in your mouth. Do this several times a day for a week and see how easy it comes to you when you need it!
………..
If you would like Dr. Fleming’s help to identifying your communication problem areas and helping you get started on your own improvement, consider getting her Holiday Speak Your Best! Package, which offers a copy of her book, CD or Audio Series and a Consultation. To learn more about the Speak Your Best! package go to www.speechtraining.com/holidayspecial/
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"It's The Way You Say It"
is the first comprehensive guide for speech and voice improvement. Click here to purchase Dr. Fleming's book from Amazon. Network With Me
