The Artists
December 15, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
You’ve all heard of the importance of nonverbal communication. But have you ever wondered if it is all that it’s cracked up to be? Let me give you the evidence shown in the new film, The Artist.
- It is a ‘silent movie’ that allows you to experience how much meaning – both broad and subltle -there is to be had without words.
- Oh sure, from time to time, they throw a pinch of dialogue on the screen, but the meat of the movie is in the expressions, the context, the attitudes and movements that need no language to tell us what is going on.
- The music also moves the agenda in a nonverbal way.
Have you noticed that digital devices are fed streams – gushing rivers – of alphabetized code letters? Have we not come to see this alphabetic tidal wave as the alpha and omega of human communication?
But, have you also noticed that those who gorge themselves at the digital trough are frequently unskilled in the human nonverbal world of animal presence and subtle expression? This nonverbal world is the home of all human relationships worth having. This is the world where you are most fully alive and authentic. This is the world where you can fall in love.
See the picture and see how much of life you can know without a word being spoken.
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email a tquery@speechtraining.com
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills.
Steve Jobs also gave a speech
October 20, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Speaking of Steve Jobs, as we all are, I want to draw your attention away from his colossal achievements in digital communications to his legacy in verbal communication. Rather than tell you about it, I ask you to read or listen to
Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford commencement address
Then I suggest you scroll around and read about his impact on the people who have heard this speech.
Ask yourself, what makes this 15 minute speech so very remarkable? How do you answer that question?
For myself, I am struck that a billionaire genius told stories about
1. dropping out of college
2. getting fired from his own company, Apple
3. facing cancer and death
I see a man who took this commencement opportunity to reach deeply into himself and produce the greatest truths of living that he could offer.
- The authenticity is unmistakable.
- The message is bone clear in its simplicity.
- We hear him speak from humility and love.
A student, Kjerstin Erickson, said: “It was about the inevitability and unavoidability of death — and the importance of putting yourself out there, at risk, for humanity,… Because what else, really, is there?”
He was a leader in uniting the world in digital communication and a model of drilling deep into his own personal meaning to share with this world. Genius or no, you can follow the lead of Jobs and search for your own inner truth, find its simple expression, and share with others in an attitude of humble service.
What else, really, is there?
……………………………..
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at query@speechtraining.com
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills.
How communication is supposed to work
June 15, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
You are going to give some important information to someone; perhaps an instruction or constructive criticism. You, the source, just open your mouth, articulate your message and it transmits to the receptive listener, right? Communication complete!, you think.
Pictured above is the dreamscape of perfect, unhindered message transmission. Isn’t it wonderful? It is also rare.
You tell somebody to do something and they don’t. There can be a lot of reasons for this lack of response and one of them may be that the message never really ‘got through’ to the intended listener. Messages can be corrupted by ‘noise’. And here’s a picture of that:
You will note that there is now an unhappy face in the illustration. There will be two such faces if the sender finds out that his perfectly articulated message was not even received because of intervening noise.
- There is the obvious noise constituted by loud sounds that make it difficult to actually receive a message clearly. Remember your last cocktail party?
- There is the noise of emotional upset. When passions are inflamed, and resentments churned, the incoming signal can be mutilated in the very act of reception.
- Then there is the silent ‘noise’ of the distraction of electronic devices that robs people of attention. Perhaps it is the competing signals such as you experience in a Powerpoint presentation when you are presented with simultaneous visual and auditory information. Can you ever be a complete listener when your smartphone signals have a priori importance?
I think we all assume that, because we said it, it was heard. This is a dangerous assumption. Be mindful of possible noise, eliminate it, address it or compensate for it. But do something.
To learn more about how to become articulate, well spoken and clear in the way you speak, contact Dr. Carol Fleming at query@speechtraining.com or telephone number 415.391-9179
Do You Have a Welcoming Voice?
June 8, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Let’s imagine you are giving a party and want to make a welcoming speech to your guests. What would you do? Probably all of the following:
- Stand where you are most visible to the people
- Project your voice out to the whole group so you are easily heard
- Try to make eye-contact with many of the guests
- Have a pleasant expression on your face and a melody in your voice
- Make them feel comfortable and welcome.
Would that be so hard? I don’t think so.
I would like to see more people take that positive presence out in public when they introduce themselves at a meeting. The tendency of most folks is to be grim and deadly serious. They put a big fat NOT in front of the five suggestions above.
Allbusiness.com, the most widely used website for small business help, asked me to work with three small business owners to improve their ‘elevator speech’ on video and now the results are online for all to see. Please go to Allbusiness.com and take a look at How to Present Your Small Business.
It is so easy to see how much improved these speakers are when they show their warmth and reach out to an audience. The next time you have an opportunity to introduce yourself, stand up, look around the group and think, “Thank you so much for coming tonight. I’m so glad to see you all!” Just think it and let your face how your warmth. People will hear you so much better.
To learn how Dr. Fleming can help you “Make a Memorable Self-introduction” please call her at 415.391-9179
How Professionalism is impacting your job search!
March 30, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
We need to understand what professionalism means. It is as simple as one-two-three.
Professionalism
As a consumer yourself, wouldn’t you lose confidence:
- If the office of your financial advisor was piled with dog-eared, personal stuff?
- If an attorney had slurred speech or a flat voice?
- If a restaurant waiter appeared poorly groomed?
These are all breeches in personal professionalism and the individual will instantly lose credibility because the behavior is incongruent with their professional pretension.
And as an employer: If someone showed up for a job interview gnawing on some chewing gum, or showing no knowledge of your company, and speaking like a teen-ager.
Being professional means that you have paid attention to developing your:
1. Expertise
What you get money for. The stuff you know when you know your stuff. An expert is someone widely recognized as a reliable source of technique or skill. In addition, your personal behavior and character must support your claim to expertise.
2. Credibility
Communication Skills play a more detailed role in determining your credibility. It doesn’t matter if you have the expertise and character for your occupation if you are unable to communicate this to other people. How do you communicate your expertise? Understanding that what you say, how you say it and how you look when you say it – must all carry the same message. The professional considers all aspects of their communication connection to others for ways to improve:
(a) The Content: What you say includes your grammar and general language facility. The appropriateness of your comments and the language of courtesy is received and evaluated beyond your intent.
(b) The Tonalities: How you say something makes all the difference in the meaning received. A flat intonation of an otherwise straightforward statement can suck all the life and energy out, leaving a dreary flow of lifeless words.
(c) How you Look when you talk is the third and vital part of your speaking. It is a category that is actually quite wide and varied, from the care you took in combing your hair, to the wild flow of expressions on your face to the quality of the fabric of your suit. People are constantly looking you over for meaning and finding it.
It is of utmost important that these three components of communication support your professionalism, that they are congruent. Congruency determines if you are perceived as authentic which gives you credibility.
One issue is central: congruency
Two areas must be congruent: your professionalism and your communication impact.
Three aspects of communication must carry the same message. See above.
To learn how Dr. Fleming can help you to “Speak your Best” and improve your professionalism for job interviews, contact her at telephone number (415) 391.9179 or email query@speechtraining.com
The Ancient Technology of Talking – Story from my friend in Egypt
February 12, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
I received an email from Egypt this Thursday from my old friend Essam; he got me thinking about the robust and timeless importance of face-to-face conversation. He reported:
“One of the biggest blunders committed so far by the Egyptian regime in its current crisis was the decision to shut down the Internet service and Mobile service all over the country on Thursday night before the ‘Friday of Anger’. By doing this, the smart decision makers thought they would isolate the demonstrators and prevent them from communicating with each other, thus reducing the number of people who would show up on Friday at the el-Tahrir square and elsewhere in the country. Based on this naïve assumption, the former minister of the interior, el-Adly, expected a maximum of two thousand demonstrators
When people were cut off from the rest of the world on Thursday night they started going out to the streets to find out what was going on, they started searching for their friends and relatives to inquire about their well being. They talked to each other face to face and agreed to be there all day on Friday. Suddenly tens of thousands showed up on Friday, instead of the two thousand the brutal el-Adly was prepared for.”
When someone pulls the plug on our electronic devices, we can always use the ancient technology of talking to each other. It is the part of the Basic Guarantee that comes with being human. (Even with the plug in, the Egyptian people have only a 40% literacy rate.) For this to truly be the Egyptian People’s revolution, they all must be able to speak out together.
In effect, he gave them their voice.
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills. For people who want to make their speaking more impressive and find their voice. She can be contacted at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at query@speechtraining.com
Quick tips for sounding Intelligent, Powerful, Polished, Articulate and Confident
January 12, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
I know what you want. You want some quick tips to success. In these days of time pressure and job insecurity, who could blame you? So I will give you the ‘tips’ most frequently sought. At the same time, I will remind you that it takes more than a ‘tip’ to change your behavior. You might review what you already know about the word “practice” to use the following tips.
To Sound More Intelligent:
Speak just a bit slower than you normally do to give yourself time to select your most appropriate vocabulary and to give the impression of thoughtfulness.
To Sound More Powerful:
Use short, simple declarative sentences. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. Cut out any useless connectors, adjectives and adverbs, especially superlatives (Fantastic! Outstanding!, etc.).
To Sound More Polished:
Avoid answering a question with a blunt “yes” or “no”. Append a short phrase of clarification. For example, “No, I did not see it.” “Yes, I know Mary.” Doesn’t that sound more courteous?
To Sound More Articulate:
Make a special effort to pronounce the final sound in a word and use its energy to carry over to the following word. Readers of my book will recognize the principal of ‘linking’. Pay special attention to final “t”. (I can’t_ever count_on him.)
To Sound More Confident:
Carry your body in an upright posture. Hold your head as if you had a crown on it. Don’t let your arms and legs have side to side motion when you move. Keep your elbows and knees close to the midline of your body. Think “CEO” or “King” and you’ll probably get it right.
Pick just one of these tips to work on each day (or you’ll feel like the famous centipede who became paralyzed with too much thought). If you need more support or information in using these tips, you’ll find the information in my book, It’s the Way You Say It.
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at query@speechtraining.com
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills. For people who want to make their speaking more impressive.
M9KRNEVBFEHA
How to chat off-line (i.e. small talk)
December 7, 2010 by Admin · Leave a Comment
A few weeks ago I received the following email:
“Carol, our techie group could use some help on how to chat offline. It would be great if you could relate this to how you present your online business to get attention while networking offline and online to show your an authority on a topic to get people to want to talk about you to get buzz and links back to your website.”
I admit this email gave me pause. I think he’s asking how (1) to talk to people and (2) develop business. If I’m wrong about this, please let me know.
Business development is clearly his primary goal but it’s that ‘talking with people” piece that I see as paramount. People do business with people they know and like and trust. We are all using updated technology in our business, but it can prevent us from developing communication skills.
1. You have to start with the relationship development (chat offline and establish trust and credibility) part before you can get to the business development part. Learn to say, ‘How are you?” before you say, “Buy my pots and pans”.
2. You have to learn how to talk with people about small things; common, everyday things –yes, like the weather- and its sole purpose is to give relationships a chance to develop and for genuine conversational topics to be discovered.
Mastery of this ability to create trusting relationships with people in both personal and business situations is something that all successful people have in common.
We don’t spend enough time thinking about the “know…and like…and trust” part when we are preoccupied with the sell motive.
Who do you do business with? Strangers from the yellow pages or someone you’ve have had a chance to meet face-to-face, exchange some words, smiles and a handshake?
The importance of small talk
Small talk is frequently undervalued and dismissed with the result that you never get good at it. I am urging an attitude adjustment here and I am telling you that it is possible to get really good at this.
Start by making it a priority to find a way to be interested and appreciative of other people FIRST before you try to sell your pots and pans. There are far more pots and pans out there than there are people you know and like and trust.
How to move from small talk to the elevator pitch
OK, I know some of you are eager to know how to move from “the weather” to the elevator pitch. Here you go:
You: Boy! It’s really pouring out there, isn’t it?
Other person: It sure is. And I’ve got a leak in my living room that I’m worried about right now.
You: You might need a pot to catch the water from the leak. I happen to carry a line of pots that might fit your need ……
To learn how to chat offline or master small talk, contact Dr. Carol Fleming at query@speechtraining.com or visit www.speechtraining.com
How to Help Employees Speak Their Best
December 2, 2010 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Here’s a difficult situation for you employers:
You have a perfectly good employee, adequate, even good in most ways, BUT, there’s something about the way they talk that is a problem: for you, for them, and for your customers.
What do you do? What should you do?
The first issue would be your ability and willingness to offer them some help.
Let’s say you are in a position to offer some speech therapy, voice coaching or communication consulting to them. You would consider this because of the investment you have already made in their training and because you sense that they would really benefit from this instruction.
The second issue has to do with how you broach the topic.
You are embarrassed because you think you are going to embarrass them, right? How do you tell someone that their speech is not good enough?
Here’s one way:
“ Pat, you are particularly good at managing your work flow and keeping reliable records. You show a good grasp of the marketing issues we have to consider. We’d like to see if we can’t bring up some of your communication skills to the same level of excellence as your other abilities. We think you would be good with more actual sales exposure. We’d like to invest in your professional development by supporting a two month program of Communication Development training.”
There. How does that feel?
I’d love to hear your reaction to this approach. Let me know if it has solved a problem for you.
…..
If you would like to help someone (family, friend or employee) work on their speaking skills, you might consider the gift of Dr. Fleming’s Holiday package: Speak Your Best!
Click here to learn more about Dr. Carol Fleming’s Gift Package, Speak Your Best!
How can a book improve your communication?
November 9, 2010 by Admin · Leave a Comment
How can a book improve your communication? There are two ways, you can read it or you can put it on your head.
Explanation:
Actually there is only one book to read that will really be helpful for the wide array of communication needs of the modern world and that book is the one I wrote; It’s the Way You Say It: Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. See below.
The book you put on your head needs to be hard cover – (Mine comes in hard cover!) – so it can balance on your head. Now, why on earth would you want to do such a thing?
Because it will act as a feed back mechanism about the way you hold your body, your posture. Your carriage will have a marked influence in how you are perceived.
- You cannot be dignified if your head is bobbing up and down, nodding or tilting.
- You cannot look mature if you tend to cock your head to one side.
- You cannot look ‘together’ if you bounce along as you walk or allow your shoulders to slouch forward and pull your head out of alignment.
Everybody admires strong, upright posture.
This is where the book comes in as an excellent source of information.
1. As you look in the full length mirror, hold yourself in an up-right (but natural) posture and place the book flat on the top of your head.
2. Try turning your head from side to side, keeping your chin line straight. Take some steps forward and back and from side to side, keeping that book in place.
3. Walk around the room, keeping that book in place on your head.
4. Now add the speech component; start talking and notice how much you want to move your head.
5. Sit on front of a mirror and call someone on the phone. Place the book on your head and start talking. You will probably lose the book a couple of times.
6. At all times, pay attention to the alignment of your head and body as you use the book, so you can learn how to hold your head and body upright without the book.
7. Give yourself daily practice with this routine for a week and you should be able to ‘straighten up’ with only conscious effort (and no book).
Announcement: Dr. Fleming’s book can now be purchased at Alexander Book Co and Book Passage in both Corte Madera and San Francisco!
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at query@speechtraining.com
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills. . To get your own copy, go to http://amzn.to/ItsTheWayYouSayIt
-
"It's The Way You Say It"
is the first comprehensive guide for speech and voice improvement. Click here to purchase Dr. Fleming's book from Amazon. Network With Me
