Amazing Grace
December 19, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Twas Grace that taught my heart to hear…
I know! I know…now. I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention when the second verse of “Amazing Grace” rolled through my life. When I checked the lyrics of the song, before writing this, I found that out that Grace was to teach my heart to fear.
It didn’t work that way for me. Thank heavens.
While it is true that people come to me to learn about communication improvement, to get my opinion about something to do with their speech, voice or language, and to receive information and guidance, it is also true that they come to me to be heard; to have someone truly set aside all distractions, pre-judging, even focus, just to listen to the sound of their voice and receive them as wholly (perhaps holy) as possible.
What you say, how you say it and how you look when you say it. What is the first thing out of your mouth? What do you tell me repeatedly? At what point does anger creep into your voice? When does your voice wax and wane? How many bitter complaints come pouring out? Whose opinion really matters to you? When do your eyes glisten?
You have taught me to finally shut-up and let your presence register on me as deeply as possible. You have taught me that you cannot learn from me unless I have deeply listened to you first.
When you have run out of things to tell me, I will usually give you feedback on what I have just heard from you. If you are like most people, you will say, “You have hit the nail on the head!! How did you know!!” And I will have to answer, “Because you just told me.”
This is indeed an Amazing Grace that taught my heart to hear.
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at query@speechtraining.com
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills.
The Artists
December 15, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
You’ve all heard of the importance of nonverbal communication. But have you ever wondered if it is all that it’s cracked up to be? Let me give you the evidence shown in the new film, The Artist.
- It is a ‘silent movie’ that allows you to experience how much meaning – both broad and subltle -there is to be had without words.
- Oh sure, from time to time, they throw a pinch of dialogue on the screen, but the meat of the movie is in the expressions, the context, the attitudes and movements that need no language to tell us what is going on.
- The music also moves the agenda in a nonverbal way.
Have you noticed that digital devices are fed streams – gushing rivers – of alphabetized code letters? Have we not come to see this alphabetic tidal wave as the alpha and omega of human communication?
But, have you also noticed that those who gorge themselves at the digital trough are frequently unskilled in the human nonverbal world of animal presence and subtle expression? This nonverbal world is the home of all human relationships worth having. This is the world where you are most fully alive and authentic. This is the world where you can fall in love.
See the picture and see how much of life you can know without a word being spoken.
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email a tquery@speechtraining.com
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills.
Finding the sound of your voice
November 7, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Everybody has a musical instrument and it doesn’t cost a thing. It is your voice. Nothing on earth matches it for range, power, variety, and expressiveness. You undoubtedly use it for speaking, but are you singing? You should be. We live in a sonorous universe, all matter vibrates, and all creatures sing their songs. How about you?
All god’s creatures got a place in the choir
Some sing low and some sing higher
Some sing out loud on the telephone wire
Some just clap their hands or paws or anything they’ve got nowListen to the bass it’s the one at the bottom
Where the bullfrog croaks and the hippopotamus
Moans and groans in the big tattoo
And the old cow just goes “moo”
The dogs and the cats they take up the middle
Where the honey bee hums and the cricket fiddles
The donkey brays and the pony neighs
And the old grey badger sighs ohI have heard your story that you cannot carry a tune, how the mean teacher asked you to be silent during choral singing. But I have not heard that you have spent any time seriously learning how to match notes, produce tones or tap out a rhythm. Yes, music making certainly comes easily to many of us and there are some that must seek it out. Perhaps you need to start with some simple dance steps to sense the rhythms. Or you hum along with the church choir. Imitate the bird song you hear in your garden. Or you rock your infant daughter with your best version of “My Girl”.
When all else fails there are professional voice teachers that can help you get started.
Whatever it costs you, go for it. Music making is your birthright. No one can sing your song but you. Even if you are the old grey badger that just sighs, ‘oh’. Do it. The universe will be the better for it.
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at query@speechtraining.com
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills.
The advantages of a sexy voice
September 27, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Let’s say you are the biggest bullfrog in the pond. .. Because you are the largest frog your voice (croak, mating call) will have a lower pitch than that of the other males. You will croak to let the lady frogs know where you are and they will be driven mad with desire by the sound of your deep froggy voice. The lady frogs will make their way to you, for clearly, you are the alpha male in this pond.
BUT the other male frogs who have the less compelling voice, know about the drawing power of this lower voice and use it to their own advantage. They position themselves around the Big Frog and lie in wait for the ladies who are approaching him. They nab a passing female and try to become a parent.
While this approach probably does not provide useful guidance for the gentlemen reading this blog, it does confirm that the lower voice in the male has certain advantages. If you examine the relative pitch levels of the parent and the infant in any species, you will find that the parent has the lower voice. Now imagine the voices of the predator and the prey. Same difference. The lower voice communicates size, power and, maturity. Ladies do find this to be sexy.
If you want to develop a sexy voice, please send an email to query@speechtraining.com
How I Listen to The Sound of Your Voice
August 9, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
What is the impression you make by the way you speak? I ask myself that when you sit across the table from me in my office. You have come to gain some understanding of your communication patterns and I bring my professional background and years of experience to help you do just that.
When I am first meeting a client, I will consciously drop my awareness from concentrating just on their words and their intended message in order to be maximally receptive to more dimensions of their communication.
As you come in the door, I try to become a ‘blank slate’ on which you write your presence. I try, knowing I will never be completely neutral, but I will try to observe with the kindest part of my self. If there is something that keeps nagging at me, I assume it will catch the attention of others and distract from the communication relationship. I will have to address the topic. What I observe are all the things that you can see in other people, what the person is trying to see in the mirror, and what they don’t know they are doing when they talk. So I see the nervous gestures, the unconscious habits.
And I must listen. I invite my intuition, I listen to the words with my mind and I hear the message with my heart. I give undivided attention to you. This is total and deliberate listening that lets you be heard in the deepest possible way. What I have received and accepted, I can reflect back to you (as best I can), so you, too, can listen to your whole self– mind, body, soul and heart. You see, there is more to your speaking than your voice and articulation! Perhaps I can help you see – and hear- more of you.
It is likely that you are thinking that there are tics and twitches, uhms and ‘likes’ to be discovers. Yes, there is always that. But it is not uncommon for a person to observe, “I’m a lot better than I thought I was”, after hearing the recording I have made of our interview.
Whatever we find as we talk together, it is sure to bring you closer to yourself; to hear yourself outside your own head, and to see yourself beyond the mirror. It is a singular experience for both of us as you adventure beyond your confines and I lose myself in you.
Getting to Know the Sound of Your Voice
August 4, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
The Sound of Your Voice
To listen to the blog posting in Audio, please click here —- Getting to Know The Sound of Your Voice
Do you want to know the impression you make by the way you speak?
I can help you do it in a way that won’t cost you a dime.
But, do I believe you will actually do this? No. So prove me wrong!
What to do:
Create a time for you and few (same sex) friends to get together around a good recording device, sit equidistant from the microphone, hit ‘record’….now talk to each other. Let’s say you chat about this or that for 20 minutes. Turn it off, rewind, take a lunch break, then sit down and listen.
What you might listen for:
- Who is doing the most talking?
- Who does the most interrupting?
- Who talks too softly to be heard?
- How low or high is your voice relative to the other people in the group?
- Can you understand yourself as easily as you do others?
- Do you like the sound of your laughter or are you embarrassed to hear that you sound like a Canadian goose?
- Do you hear something in your speech that you don’t like, like ‘like’?
- Does your voice sound flat as a board or should you consider opera?
And so on. Don’t worry; you’ll find much to notice. This may be a painful experience, OR you may well find much that you are pleased with.
I encourage your courage. This exercise allows you to know how you really interact with other people, more than I could possibly predict from a private interview. Consider how valuable this could be for you.
My offer: Do this exercise and write a short report on your communication behavior as you observed it on the recording. Send your report to me. (I can’t wait to read it!) I will write a blog about your findings. You can stay anonymous in the blog posting, should that be your choice. And I will send you a copy of my book, It’s the Way You Say It: Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. Deal? I look forward to hearing from you.
The Secret of a Good Speech
July 29, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
I received this thank you note from a client:
Dear Carol, Lovely accolades after my speech and I did want to send you a thank you note! To be able to present my thoughts in a way that pleased me was a very happy moment. Not a word was shared about the how and why of it, but you and I know! Sending best thoughts and warmest thanks to you! xxx ————————————
Of course it is always nice to get thank you notes. But did you get the part that my work with her was going to be our little secret? Some clients call me their ‘secret weapon’ and tell me that they don’t want to share how they got so good with others. The business woman in me regrets this lack of acknowledgement and referral, of course. But the therapist side understands their need to own the effective speaking as their own talent and achievement.
Which leads me to ask how many skilled presentations, powerful speeches and touching comments you have heard and just assumed were the result of that speaker’s natural abilities and efforts? Just talented, right? · What if you found out that they floundered and stuttered at the beginning just like you do? That they had been paralyzed with stage fright? ·
What if you knew that many of these great speakers sought professional help, received thoughtful guidance, worked very hard, and rehearsed? You might ask these speakers if they had a ‘secret weapon” in preparing their remarks. Or if they might be able to recommend a speaking coach so you can learn to be as good as they were. Be interesting?
Please don’t let your fear of public speaking stop you. Get help like many others do. Dr. Fleming can be contacted at telephone number 415.391 9179 or query@speechtraining.com
How to improve your verbal communication
May 20, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
When you want to improve any aspect of your speech there is one absolutely indispensable feature you must incorporate into your practice: other people. If you wanted to increase your vocabulary, of example, the stimulation of others will serve you better than time spent alone, agonizing over a list of words. As I wrote in my book (It’s the Way You Say It),
“When you spend time with different people of achievement and education, you will be exposed to words you don’t know; and you can learn these words just as a child learns them:
- by being exposed
- actively noticing and repeating them
- remembering the context of usage
- trying to use them.
As an adult you can ask speakers about the words they use that you don’t know. You probably think that people will look down on you for this, but not so. People will admire your desire to learn and your willingness to ask (and probably will be flattered to share their wisdom).”
Are you trying to improve your voice? Use store clerks and customer representatives in your initial practice. These are usually short and fairly anonymous contacts that should provide a safe place for you to practice actually usage.
Are you dealing with a foreign accent issue? Set a goal of one coffee break a day with people who speak only English. Many times the foreign born person seeks out the comfort of their fellow country men for social contacts, but this will only reinforce your original tongue.
Is public speaking the issue? By all means try to have another person in the room as you read or rehearse your remarks. Get used to people listening to you and, of course, they just might have some really valuable feed back for you.
Without the presence of other people verbal communication is artificial and hollow. Some privacy is needed at the initial stages of learning allowing you to focus deeply on mastering your behavioral change, but you don’t really start incorporating your learning until you are connecting with another human being. And isn’t that the point of it all?
It’s time to talk about The King’s Speech (Disorder)
March 8, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Communication problems have long been a sensitive topic, with people rightfully concerned about the feelings of those involved. But a window opened for us with the release of The King’s Speech and the topic of stuttering as the central issue of the Academy Award winning movie. Let’s shed some light on this topic!
Speech professionals (and those who stutter) are profoundly grateful for the positive imagery and role models for the nearly 68 million people worldwide who grapple daily with the indignities of speech dysfluency, as it is known. Remember, there was a time when we had only Porky Pig as a role model!
As a therapist, I am so happy to see portrayed the perfect relationship between therapist and patient, an alliance built upon unbreakable trust, mutual respect and friendship.
On the down side, I believe that the movie seems to support a ‘psychological’ causation of stuttering. Modern research, however, shows that there is a consistent brain motor function – a physiological difference – associated with speech dysfluency, making it a disease just like any other.
For more information, search out the Stuttering Foundation of America on line. Lots of information there.
OR, if you’d like to actually discuss this issue with me, get a ticket to the Annual Distinguished Citizen Award Dinner of The Commonwealth Club, on Tuesday, March 15 at the Palace Hotel in San Francisco. This year they are featuring “Table conversation with some of the Bay Area’s most interesting people”. I will be the hostess for a table devoted to The King’s Speech. For more information about the dinner please go to www.commonwealthclub.org/annualdinner/
And for more information about your speech concerns, seek out It’s the Way You Say It, Dr. Fleming’s new book about the communication needs of the general public.
What Jay said about my book, “It’s the Way You Say It”
January 26, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Guest Blog Posting by Jay Conner, Richmond, California
I know Carol Fleming personally, and am vaguely familiar with her work. I’ve never been a client, but I knew she was in speech therapy.
Her book, however, is a revelation. What she does is so far beyond what you think of as speech therapy as to be a whole ‘nother world, She acts like a Minister of Communication, in the religious, not the governmental sense of the word.
In this book she shows you how to present yourself, to show yourself off to best advantage.
Consider how you detail a car, or how you stage a house to best show it off.
She teaches you how to do this with yourself.
I always thought that that if I had something to say, all I had to do was to get the message clear and the technique would take care of itself. And I wasn’t particularly critical about my natural, intuitive way of doing that presenting.
Dr. Fleming wants me to move that up a notch.
Her book is concise, direct and to the point, with lots of personal stories from her experience to make a lively reading experience. Tight, spare and engaging, with useful stories and clear instructions. You will also learn how a sentence with eleven consecutive instances of the word “had” can, in a proper context and properly punctuated, make a meaningful sentence. Page 63.
But that’s not important, it’s just diverting. Part of the funny side of the book.
The book has a more serious purpose, some real depth and the benefit of years of her experience in vocal development and communications training. Not everyone can trek out to San Francisco to engage her services, but everyone can benefit from her coaching in this book.
Even, especially, people who don’t know they need her help
In a sense, this book is a conversation with an author who has keen insight into the human condition, and a willingness – eagerness – to share her knowledge. Enthusiasm for the human condition runs through her stories, which are case histories of problems in human communication.
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"It's The Way You Say It"
is the first comprehensive guide for speech and voice improvement. Click here to purchase Dr. Fleming's book from Amazon. Network With Me
